Happy Birthday Alayna!!! Part 2

Here are some of my favorite shots from Alaynas Birthday Celebration. What a fun day!!!

I am still working on these Black and Whites. Oh how I love these!!

Olivia is cracking up because I was trying to get down lower for a better shot and I sat on a corn stalk. LOL

Happy Birthday Alayna!!

Today our little girl Alayna would be 14 years old if she was still here. ( I wonder if she has grown in Heaven ). It is so hard to believe. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that I was holding her in my arms and then other times it seems so long ago, Oh how I wish my scanner would work. I took a picture of this picture so the quality isn't all that great. She was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. I am her Mama but all of the nurses called her their little cherub baby. They thought she was beautiful as well! As I have been blogging about my other children on their Birthdays, I have been feeling led to do the same for my first born. No other person has ever made such a difference in my life. I can't put into words a list of the things I love about her but I can say that I am so grateful that this little life came into mine though her time w/ me was oh so brief!! I think I will list some things that I have learned from this sweet, little baby girl coming into my life.

~ I have learned that I have an incredible husband!! When times are tough this man grabs a hold of his faith and stands strong w/ deep compassion and gentleness.It is true that losing a child is very hard on a marriage but we made it and I am so thankful that I have him to lean on!!

~ I have learned that I have amazing friends and family!!!

~ I have learned that some times the best thing you can do for another person is listen!!!! Sometimes there are no answers and nothing you can do but listen and pray and that is ok and can be the greatest gift!!!

~ I have learned that the only one who will never let you down is Jesus!!! I feel like this can sound so cliche and I am sorry about that and wish I could find the words.He is not the one I should go to last but the one I should run to first. That is where true comfort and understanding comes from!! He does at times use his people and I have been so blessed w/ that . But He never sleeps and He never tires of hearing my prayers or my cries.

~ I have learned that Romans 8 : 28 is my favorite verse. " And we know that in all things God works for the good for those who love Him , who have been called according to His purpose." I have learned that GOD Is GOOD. I had moments where I questioned. And I am sure I will have more in my life but He has proven Himself true and I have so much to cling to in those times. I hope to share that w/ you sometime but that is whole other blog. :)

~ Did I mention that because of Alayna I am having so much fun learning more about photography?? :)Alot more to learn but having a blast!!!

~ I have learned so much more but sometimes there are just no words to be able to share your heart!

Every year on Alayna's Birhthday , we let balloons go to celebrate. We like to think that they go right to Heaven. :)We watch until we cannot see them any more. It is always avery fun time!! It truly brings me so much joy!Sometimes it is joy through some tears!! After we let the balloons go and Jonah sang Happy Birthday at the top of his lungs, we went back down to the house to get some cleaner and a scrub brush so we could clean Alaynas stone. It is something we have been wanting to do for quite awhile. While we were at the house my good friend Val and her daughter Quersti stopped by w/ some more balloons. :) They knew about my photo shoot idea for Alayna's Birthday and wanting alot of balloons. So sweet!! Thank you !!!It was a wonderful surprise. Love ya!!So ,we got to do it again. Yay!!! We had such a wonderful day! I am blessed!! Happy Birthday Alayna! I love and miss you! Thank you for teaching me so many things!!! Can't wait to see you again!!!

" Whatever else anything is,it ought to begin by being personal."

This is my very favorite line from my very favorite movie " You've Got Mail." I was up so early this morning and could not sleep. I decided to go to Facebook. Updating my status was hard for me this morning. I had so much on my mind and I just found myself frustrated. I love Facebook for the whole fun of it and being able to keep up w/ people who I normally would not. And most of the time I love the quickness of it. A little status here , a little status there but this morning I found it so impersonal. I am always left wanting something more. I decided to go to one of my favorite blogs and I realized why it is my favorite... because it is personal! This gal shares her heart and it is an honest,real & beautiful one. I was left wanting to blog the truth of what was on my heart. Why ? I don't know. The older I have gotten the more I struggle making myself vulnerable and the more I worry about what others think. And when I do it I worry that I may have been offensive or worry that I may have been misunderstood. Well , hardly anyone reads my blog so here goes . LOL
Last night I was out w/ some friends and one of them shared that a relative of a relatives little baby girl just died. She was suppose to have her first birthday party on Sat. I am tearing up again now as I write this and last night I fought everything w/ in me to keep from sobbing! I had this deep urge to stop what we were doing and pray for these precious parents who just lost their baby girl;their only child. Why didn't I?? I sat there trying to keep participating but all I could think of is all that they must be feeling at that moment.... when your world is paused or in slow motion filled w/ despair and the rest of the world is just going on as planned. My heart is breaking as I remember what that feels like. I wish there was something I could do for these people I don't even know and who live in a different State. With every little thing I am consumed w/ today,I think to myself " and there is this couple grieving the loss of their daughter at this moment." I know that is how life works but I am just so sad today. Yes ,this is the time of year where I think about my little one more than usual but this sadness really is not about me but because someone is experiencing that excruciating pain. Today I will pray more and choose to enjoy my life, my kids and my husband more. Yes ,i have to clean ,teach school,and find those stupid round wooden things I need to hang up my curtain in the schoolroom( Man that is bugging me). But in a blink of an eye none of those concerns would matter. Lord thank you for this lesson today and please help me to find a balance so I can enjoy the blessings you have given me on this day!!!!

Overwhelmed at How Very Blessed I am

My little Jonah got up in the middle of the night last night, came to my bed and asked me if he could have a hug. I gave him a big hug and then he went right back to bed. Tears came to my eyes and I was filled w/ feelings that cannot be put into words!!! I am so grateful for my life and and the way God has blessed me w/ my family!!! To celebrate ,here are some shots I took of my Midnight Hugger this summer.